When ‘Then’ becomes ‘Now’
Your colleague says something dismissive in the meeting.
Suddenly: chest tight, heat rising, jaw clenched. The anger comes like a wave—overwhelming, disproportionate. Later you're replaying it: Why did I lose it like that? What's wrong with me?
Most of us think this means something is broken in us.
Too sensitive.
Too reactive.
Too much.
But here's what's actually happening:
The body and mind aren't reacting to what's happening now. They're reacting to what once happened—or what never did.
That colleague's dismissive tone might be carrying your father's hardened face when you challenged him as a kid. The brutal moment you were publicly corrected and had no defense. Every time speaking up meant humiliation, powerlessness, shame.
The past resurfaces, unbidden.
A flash of upset.
A wave of discomfort.
The familiar echo of old pain.
Your attention—hijacked. The sensation lingers. The intensity pulls you out of now. You shift into protection before you're even aware: Fight. Flight. Freeze. Fawn.
In Chapter 1 of Tracking Triggers, I name what this actually is:
A trigger is a disproportionate reaction in the present, activated by something unintegrated from the past.
That intensity? It's not a flaw.
It's survival intelligence with a regenerative impulse.
Your system isn't just protecting you—it's trying to finish something that couldn't be felt or integrated before. What you couldn't feel back then returns now, asking to be met.
Not to torment you. To heal.
This is where the choice appears.
When you're triggered by that dismissive comment, your first thought is: I feel attacked.
But "attacked" isn't actually a feeling. It's blame disguised as emotion—a faux feeling that keeps you stuck in the pattern.
If you can pause—even 30 seconds—you can track deeper:
What are you actually feeling? Scared. Anxious. Tense.
What do you actually need? To be seen for your effort. Respectful engagement, even in disagreement.
And then you can respond differently:
Instead of snapping back or shutting down, you might say:
"That stings a little—because I've worked really hard on this. I want that to be seen too. And I hear your concern. Can we talk through both?"
This is already choosing something new. The old pattern would have been defensiveness, withdrawal, or appeasing. Instead: staying present, naming what's true, keeping the connection alive.
But here's the truth—the work doesn't end there.
In the meeting, you chose differently. You interrupted the old pattern and acted from present awareness instead of the survival script.
And there's deeper work that unfolds over time:
Feeling what you couldn't feel then. The humiliation. The powerlessness of being ten with no voice. Tracing the pattern to its roots in therapy, in reflection, in the quiet moments when you finally have capacity.
And practicing the new choice again and again. The next time someone questions your competence. And the next. Each time, your nervous system learns something new. Each time, the old pattern loosens its grip.
The conscious response in the moment plants the seed. The feeling work and the repeated practice deepen the roots.
Both matter.
Triggers aren't problems to eliminate.
They're trailheads leading back to what hasn't been seen, felt, or integrated.
Each one offers the same invitation:
Stay in survival—or step onto a path toward integration, choice, and presence.
Over the next 12 weeks, I'll be sharing this framework—The Fifth Way—as we count down to the launch of Tracking Triggers this spring.
This is the first track.
This is where the work begins.
#TrackingTriggers #TheFifthWay #EmotionalHealing #Triggers #Mediation #SelfCompassion #TraumaHealing